Denial and deprivation

I would like to venture an unpopular opinion. 

After much experience, I have decided that losing weight means I must deny and deprive myself. 

Wait, for it—this isn’t a complaining post. 

You may be thinking, “I can eat anything I want on WW Freestyle!”  But can you really? Can you eat half a bag of Hershey’s kisses one day and a pint of Haagen-Dazs the next? Can you live on pizza? Can you have cake for breakfast? 

“But Robin, you’re being unreasonable. That’s so extreme. Plus, with fruit you won’t even miss the sweets!” 

I do sometimes prefer fruit to sweets, but usually I eat fruit for two reasons: healthy lifestyle recommendations and to stave off my sweet tooth. Without those two, I would have a candy bar for dessert several times a week. 

Choosing to live healthily means I am denying my unhealthy impulses. I deny myself certain pleasures. So I can stay alive longer.  So I can feel better.  So my palate is more awake. These are great reasons! Reasons to deny. Reasons to deprive. 

Why am I harping on those words that are so anathema? 

Because I need to remind myself that healthy living means not eating all the cheese and chocolate. Because I need to create firmer rules to keep me on the path. Because I need a curb to correct me when I’m going off-road. 

Focusing on what you CAN do is really helpful for some people. And I get it—denial brings out my inner rebel. But. 1: if I make the rule myself, it isn’t as bad. 2: occasional rebellion is better than anarchy. 

REBELLION IS BETTER THAN ANARCHY. 

And currently I’m living the latter. So it’s time to practice some denial every day, to wait before I eat a treat, to have just one treat per day.  To let myself be hungry occasionally. Because hunger is not an emergency. 

Fan Your Feet

This image is a collage of foot pics I found with an image search (if one is yours and you want credit just leave me a note in the comments). Notice the shape, how it's more triangular than oval. The bones of the foot are meant to spread out, like our hands do. 

Now consider these women's shoes from Zappo's.

I took screen shots of shoes from $50-300, from heels to comfort boots. Notice anything about the shape? That's right, mostly oval. If you review the foot shape in the top image, you can see how come of the feet start to narrow again at the toes. Is this nature, or because we're wearing these shoes? 

If shoes were really meant to fit the natural shape of the foot, they would have narrower heels and would spread out until the metatarsal joint. If any narrowing occurs after that point, it would be minimal. 

I wore pumps as a teenager. Pumps with sharp, pointed toes. My toes naturally curl under, and I've developed bunions. I'm convinced it's from these artificially-shaped shoes! 

When I wear my Birks, my toes spread out naturally, just like when I'm barefoot. Same with my Boggs. But all my other shoes still compress, even the comfort brands like Clark's. Isn't it time we re-evaluate shoe shape? 

That won't happen as long as there are these kind of statements: 

Known as the dreaded “summer spread,” the foot condition involves the widening, flattening and collapse of feet when they aren’t securely bound and supported properly by shoes, explains New York City-based podiatrist Dr. Dennis Shavelson. Flat sandals and strappy shoes prompt feet to splay, and provide little-to-no arch support. That places the body in an abnormal walking position that can cause long-term medical issues, including toe, knee, hip and back problems. (Huffpost)

What's this foolishness? "Bound and supported properly"? Okay, I concede that arch support prevents a lot of problems with gait and pain. But why is spreading so bad?? How much of it is vanity? This page from the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons identifies five foot problems that can be prevented by wearing shoes with wide toe boxes: bunions, corns, hammer toes, crossover toe, and ingrown toenail. You see? Splay is good!

the cost of weight loss

Last year I was doing incredibly well managing my money, but now debt is accruing. I'll need every penny of the bonus pay I'll get this semester to get out of it.

The culprit? Weight loss.

I don't mean the $20/month I give to Weight Watchers for my online-only membership. That's minor and totally worth it. No, I mean the amount of money I'm spending on clothes and shoes. Yes, I also need smaller shoes. My credit card statements for this month show I spent $644 on clothes, and last month I spent $424! That's almost more than I spent on food, which was $732 this month and $640 last month.

Healthy food is expensive. So are new clothes.

Plan: reduce money spent at Starbucks ($75 last month!!). Waste less food. Only buy clothes that are absolutely necessary to get me through the rest of the semester. Which should be nothing. I think I'm prepared now until I drop another size.

Loving the program!

How great is it that I can eat 7-cheese ravioli from Boston Pizza and still lose weight! I left 1/4 on the plate, and I have very few weeklies left, but I'm working it! 

Travel this time has been more of a challenge than in January or May or July. I think the difference is that I'm traveling alone and it makes me less self-aware. J was with me the other times. For example, today I stopped at a convenience store to use the washroom. I always buy something when I do that; I chose a Diet Dr Pepper, then looked for food. It seemed so natural to have a candy bar! I fought the temptation and bought cashews instead. And I counted them. Because I want to be in control of my health. 

Tonight in the hotel room was hard too. In the past, J and I would have cookies or some cake. I had a Fibre 1 cookie brownie. It wasn't what I wanted but I told myself that's what I could have. A bit later I had microwave popcorn. 

Good choices I made this trip: 

🍎 Bought lots of fruit at the grocery as well as veg to roast and the Fibre 1 brownies. 

🥕 Roasted the vegetables and made quinoa to share with my hosts. 

📋 Tracked everything. 

🚶🏻‍♀️Walked 2 miles on 2 different days. 

🍝 Left yummy ravioli on the plate. 

🛌 Got plenty of sleep. 

🌲 Enjoyed nature. 

Struggles: 

🙊 I didn't do my physical therapy at all. 

🍕 I ate half a slice more of homemade pizza than I meant to. I was tempted and succumbed. 

🍪 I had a muffin at the coffee shop. This wasn't a terrible choice, since it was made in-house and wasn't giant. 

💦 I had trouble getting my water. I was drinking far too much soda. I bought a pack of water bottles (sorry earth 🌏) and that helped a lot. 

Tomorrow I fly home and I dread hanging out in the airport in my weaker-willed condition. I'll look up some restaurants at the airport so I'll have a plan. 

Thanks for reading.

Reflection on my summer

Activity from the #weeklyfocus

My first goal for the summer was just to stay within my points and drink lots of water. I succeeded at this. I didn't have a particular weight goal in mind, but I lost 25 pounds. ✅

I made it happen by tracking everything every day. I learned ... not much new. The program works when you work it. 

My activity goal was to go swimming 15 times, since I paid $150 for the membership. I failed at this goal. The water was always too cold! We had a mild summer in Tennessee, and I was out of the country for the hottest parts. I won't be getting a membership there again. ❌

What got in the way was mostly weather, but it didn't help that my friend who was going to go with me was never available. I learned that I shouldn't pay money for exercise. 💰I also got more evidence that it's hard to exercise when I don't set a time. 

I was planning to walk more, but the weather was bad or I had a cold or I hurt my foot, I learned I need to have back-up exercises lined up. 

This week's eating goals will be to stay within my point range (including weeklies and fitpoints). 

My activity goal for this week will be to complete my physical therapy exercises (for back and feet) at least 4 times, and to schedule it before breakfast. #babysteps

Journal on my weight loss journey

I was listening to @fatdag’s WhysAdvice #94 this morning (see FatDag.com). There were several subjects, one being what to say when people tell you you’ve lost enough and you should stop. This hasn’t happened to me, but people HAVE asked if I’m losing too fast. I’ve always said, “I’m losing at 2 pounds a week, and that’s right on target.” But it has had an effect on my thinking and made me question my rate of loss. Especially as I’m having loose skin, much more than when I lost this same weight 17 years ago. 

So this past week, I set my tracker to “maintain,” with the idea of giving my body time to adjust. My WI was this morning, and I gained 1.4 lbs, which is pretty much maintaining. I’m not upset at the results. But I didn’t like the mental effect on me. 

Giving myself a few more points was like opening the doors to a giant party. “Whee! I can relax! I can have this, and this, and this!” And that was difficult to fight against. I also felt hungry a lot. I started thinking a lot more about cake frosting. 

For this week I’ve lowered my target partway, just giving myself 2 extra points per day. I want to shift back to losing but I only want to lose 1 pound per week, not two. 

I’m still trying to increase activity, mostly in order to shape my body and get some muscles under that loose skin. I’m also trying to relax about the loose skin. As a WW Connector said to me a while ago, you have to compare the aesthetics of weight loss with the health benefits—heart health, cardiovascular strength, less pressure on the joints, etc.—and those are what really matter. 

Another topic fatdag discussed in his podcast was finding a deeper “why.” I think that’s something I need to work on, too. 

Review of Terra's Kitchen

*This is not a sponsored post. 

Terra's Kitchen is a food delivery service that has a range of recipes: vegetarian, paleo, gluten-free, low-calorie, etc. They're non-gmo and they use organic when possible. This review is based upon my first shipment--I was pleased, and I've signed up for a second one. I'm a vegetarian and a Weight Watcher living in Tennessee. I cook just for myself.

Shipping
What appealed to me first about Terra's Kitchen was their packaging (part of the reason why I didn't stay with HelloFresh). It's like a little refrigerator--quite clever and reusable!

FedEx dropped off this heavy box on my porch during the shipping window I was given, and picked it up again on the next business day:

See the latches on the front? They have a little tamper-evident strip. Rip those off, and unlatch. The next layer is insulation: 

Pull out the insulation to reveal five little drawers full (depending on how much you order) of food and ice blocks:

The ingredients for each meal comes in plastic containers covered with a thin film. The containers are easily recyclable. Here are the ingredients for Pesto-Goat Cheese Vegetable Flatbread: 

What you see are mushrooms (which I only used half of because I'm not a fan), fajita-cut peppers and onions, their flexpita (5 sp for Weight Watchers), parsley (I used 1/3 of what they gave me), goat cheese, and a tub with pesto (I used half) and spices. If you look closely you'll see that everything is already cut up. The only cutting I had to do was chopping the parsley. That dish took about 20 minutes to prepare. Here it is complete: 

The other two meals I tried with my shipment were Tofu-Bok Choy and Black Bean Sliders. All three meals were quick and easy to make. 

Taste and Preparation

The first meal I made was the Black Bean Sliders. OMG so good! And so easy! I'll definitely make this again. The patties are made with black beans, cumin, garlic, jalapeño, and cilantro. You mix their salsa with the fat-free sour cream they send and put it on one side of the bun, and put smashed avocado and cilantro on the other side. I had to cut the cilantro and scoop out the avocado, and I had to saute the garlic, cumin, and jalapeño. The rest was just mixing. My only criticism of this meal is the bland buns. Granted, they were better brushed with oil and toasted as they recommended, but my regular sandwich slims were better. I made three large patties out of this instead of 4 small ones and had it for 3 meals. 

The second meal I made was the Tofu & Bok Choy Stir Fry. Again, I divided this into 3 meals which I had for lunch 3 successive days. I was less impressed with this one but I think it was because I didn't put in enough red pepper originally and only half the balsamic. For the third serving, I added more of each and it was much better. The only prep I did for this was squeezing the water out of the tofu. My cooking involved boiling the rice, sauting the tofu, then adding the pre-cut vegetables and sauce. 

The third meal was the flatbread pictured above. This one only made two meals for me but both were hearty. I'm not a huge fan of mushrooms so I only used half; it would've been even more filling with all of them. To make the flatbreads, I toasted the pitas in a skillet, sauteed the pre-cut vegetables with balsamic, spread pesto and goat cheese (which I had to crumble) on the pitas, then topped with vegetables and parsley, which I had to chop (I didn't care for it anyway [do people who dislike cilantro actually like parsley? Just wondering.]). The flatbread was super yummy, my second favorite meal and probably something I will order again. 

Value

It ain't cheap. My total for these 3 meals plus a caprese salad (1 serving) was $77.43 (before the $35 discount I used). For my second order, I've chosen Sweet Potato, Spinach, and Apple Quinoa Bowl ($13.49x2), Curried Chickpea Spinach Bowl ($11.99x2), Curry Vegetable Soup ($14.99x2), Harvest Salad ($7.99), and Berry Balsamic Salad ($7.99). My total will be $96.93. Which is like holy crap expensive! I can tell I won't be doing this often. ;) 

If you'd like to try it out and get $35 off (and incidentally give me a $25 credit!), try this link. If it doesn't work, let me know. I can have them email you a link direct. Thanks!

Advantages Response Card #bds

Rape Culture in That 70s Show

There's only one moment of rape in the show: when Kelso is raped by Laurie in "Red's Last Day" (S2E02). Here's a clip: L
Kelso and Jackie have recently gotten back together, and he is having a fantasy where he tells Paul Anka and Lyle Waggoner that "I love Jackie and a real man can deny his instincts," when Laurie interrupts him.

KELSO: Listen...Laurie....uhhh I don’t think you should be in here...I mean I know we’ve made out a couple dozen times...
LAURIE: Twice.
KELSO: Okay....but that’s over!
LAURIE (climbs on top of Kelso): Gosh, I sure do feel close to you Kelso!
KELSO: Uhhhhh, listen, Laurie, I, I don’t think my girlfriend, ... Jackie, would like you sitting on me.
LAURIE: I think YOU like me sitting on you, in fact I know you do!
KELSO: Okay! But that’s not the point!
LAURIE kisses Kelso: Shut up Kelso! This is your lucky day.
(She closes the door. Cut to the van seen from above)
KELSO: Those are my pants! No! .....(van starts shaking) yes....yes....

Although Kelso sexually desires Laurie, he doesn't give his permission because he knows it would hurt his relationship with Jackie. Laurie forces him--granted, it takes little force, but he distinctly says no. That's rape. In traditional thinking of just 20 years ago, this wouldn't count as rape at all, and even today you'd have a hard time convincing a jury. It's still rape.

If you don't think this is rape, imagine how it would play out with the roles reversed. What if Laurie had gotten a new van and was day-dreaming about its potential when Kelso came along? What if she became uncomfortable, and he told her to relax as he shut the door and told her it was her lucky day? What if Kelso unzipped her pants and she said no? Is it rape? Even if right afterwards she says yes?

Look, rape isn't a question of sexual desire. You can want sex and still be raped. Wanting isn't the same thing as consenting. If a woman goes to a bar wanting to have sex, she doesn't want to have sex with just anyone. So she may leave the bar, sexually frustrated, though she has turned down a man's advances. That doesn't give him the right to force himself on her. Even if he makes her orgasm.

As it turns out, he doesn't mind. In fact, he really liked it. When he announces in the circle that he and Laurie have had sex, he's bragging and gives it two thumbs up.

KELSO: I mean...she took advantage of me! I’m violated.
HYDE: You idiot, your thumbs are still up!
KELSO: (Chuckle) Acting’s hard.

And that's what gets me. His example suggests that (1) rape isn't really rape and (2) rape isn't a big deal. When Fez suggests the dark room switch in S7E22, Angie laughs at him good-naturedly. But pretending to be someone else in order to have sex does, in fact, count as rape. Fez is an admitted pervert, so it's "natural" that he has these plans, and it's women's job just to laugh them off.

In the world of That 70s Show, it's easy to laugh at rape threats, because women are presented as having all the power. Think back to seasons one and two when Donna would "playfully" say okay to sex, then rescind her permission. It frustrated Eric, but he never took advantage of her semi-consent. Because she held the power in the relationship. There are many other examples and I'll post some later if I get a chance--if I can tear myself away from watching the show.

As much as I critique this show, I love it profoundly.

Rape Culture

Rape culture is "a complex of beliefs that encourages male sexual aggression and supports violence against women.... A rape culture condones physical and emotional terrorism against women as the norm" (Transforming a Rape Culture by Buchwald, Fletcher and Roth).

An example of this can be found in the 1984 movie Sixteen Candles, starring Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, and Michael Schoeffling. Ringwald plays Samantha Baker, and most of the action is set on her 16th birthday. She has a crush on Jake (Schoeffling), but Farmer Ted a.k.a. the Geek (Hall) is the one who keeps hitting on her. The scene below, which occurs on the bus ride home, seemed harmless to me when I was a teen but is shocking now:


Although Sam tells him that he isn't welcome, Farmer Ted sits down next to her with one arm on the seat behind her and the other on the seat in front, partially encircling her and invading her space. He stays there, in her space, close to her body, even pausing a moment to smell her neck. When she insults him, he's offended and criticizes her manners.

This is rape culture. It never occurs to her to yell for help, to yell at him to get out of her face, or even to change seats. Rape culture supports the idea that this is what women are expected to endure. The Geek's fault isn't that he's coming on to her; it's his lack of social graces and his refusal to recognize her rejection.

It gets far, far worse. During a wild party at Jake's house, his girlfriend Caroline passes out. Jake says he could "violate her ten different ways if I wanted to." The Geek replies, "What are you waiting for?!" Jake allows the Geek to drive Caroline home in his car. On the way, the Geek stops at his friends' house so they can take a picture (this was long before the days of cell cameras). He manipulates her body so that she is partially sitting in his lap. The next morning, the two wake up in Jake's car. Caroline believes she and Ted had sex (i.e. date rape, since there's no way she could've consented), but she's okay with it.

I used to believe that Caroline was imagining this and that Ted would never do that to her. He seems such a good guy! I was so naïve. Ted had already shown that he believes girls owe him sex. He's confused that Jake would not want to rape Caroline if he has a chance--that's what women are for.    Who knows what other photos were taken after the initial one? What advantage was taken of her body? Caroline is defined in terms of her sexual availability. Her body is freely available to be used and manipulated. And in the end, it doesn't even bother her. Because THIS IS THE NORM.

And that's what rape culture means. It's the expectation that men will rape women if they can and that women make far too big a deal out of it, because it's really just normal behavior and they can't help it.

Overt sexism in That 70s Show

It's no secret that the society depicted on That 70s Show is patriarchal and sexist. After all, the fourth episode of Season 1 is titled "Battle of the Sexists," in which Eric has to learn that it's okay for his girlfriend to beat him at sports and Donna's parents have a fight because Bob won't let Midge take a community college class instead of getting his dinner ready. In the second episode, Red gladly gives Laurie gas money but refuses to give any to Eric. In the third episode, Kitty is told to bake pies instead of asking President Ford a question. And it continues throughout the seasons. Like when Fez says, "Well Fez is a man, what will you do to please him?" But overt sexism is just a straw man.

The show makes a joke out of male chauvinism and male ego. When Bob says Donna never would've been president of a company because she's "a gal" in Season 7, it's a joke for the audience. The viewers are So Much Beyond that sort of thing. "Of course women can do want they want!" they think. Eric's insecurities in "Battle of the Sexists" are also jokes, such as when he imagines himself in a dress with inflating breasts. 

But it's the subtler, underlying values that really do damage. Like when Donna stays home from college to be with Eric, about the stupidest thing ever, and yet later Eric abandons her to seek his future in Africa. To be a girl or wear a dress is the ultimate denigration for the teenage boys. When Kelso falls off the water tower in Season 1, the boys in the hospital room automatically watch the nurse's behind, because that's what boys too. 

But the worst thing is the rape culture that the show supports. More about that next time. 

My obsession with That 70s Show

If you know me at all, you know that I watch That 70s Show pretty much every day. Usually at least two episodes a day. I wouldn't say I love the show, but I'm definitely obsessed with it.

I've come up with several possible reasons for my obsession. First, the music. I never really liked 70s music before this show, but both extra-diegetically and within the story, the music is incredibly effective and upbeat. Second, it's funny. I rarely actively laugh at it anymore, but nothing is too terribly serious (I pretend the eighth season doesn't exist). Third, I have a LOT to say about it.

I keep lamenting that I found this show so late that I can't join a cultural discourse about it. I keep wanting to criticize it or present a scholarly analysis, but there's no audience. But last week I realized I don't need an audience. I have my blog.

So I'm going to talk about That 70s Show for a little while. I have lots of little gripes, but my major intervention concerns its anti-feminism. That will be the subject of my next post.

Daredevil

I don't normally follow TV much. I don't like the commitment that comes into watching a whole series, having to remember when it comes on, getting "behind." Look, there's already enough I'm behind on.

My husband, on the other hand, is my pop culture guru. He keeps up with it all. And it pleases him when I join him for TV. So, when a new Marvel show was coming on, I joined him for the first episode.

I found it pleasant enough, not compulsory watching but not bad. But then I found myself thinking about it more, and then watching it while I was doing another task. Now I'm already on episode 6. I've decided Daredevil is totally addictive.

My favorite episode was the third, which had a beautiful parallel structure: 3 people faced with a moral dilemma. Those dilemma aren't easily resolved. There aren't pat answers offered by this series. In ep 6, Matthew/Daredevil has yet to define his moral limits, which is damaging his relationship with Claire. I'm hoping he doesn't pull the Byronic-hero bullshit, I must always be alone, I'm toxic to others, etc. The greatest challenge we all face is to connect with another human being, and no one can be a hero who doesn't do that.

Sewing a basic drawstring skirt

Ever since I made a new dress for the Regency ball, I keep thinking about all the things I can make with my sewing machine. I love clothes but they're hard to find and I'm poor. That means I also need to find ways to make sewing cheaper--that Regency dress cost me almost $200 in materials. So, I checked out my local thrift store, where I found a single curtain panel for $3.99 (pictured left--on the right is a $7 skirt). 

The material is very sturdy. It has a slight stretch, and it also won't rip easily. I like the plaid pattern--if I had more of the material I would have turned it diagonal for some movement in the design. This is the "skirtain" I made: 

The skirt is made from two panels, one for front and one for back. The back panel goes slightly higher (for my booty). If I had wanted a walking slit in the skirt, I would have made 3 panels rather than trying to sew in a placket. I decided against a slit because (1) this was only my second attempt and (2) the material is strong. Also, I was able to use the former side seams of the curtain for my bottom hem, so it looks beautifully finished. 

I didn't use a pattern. I researched different web pages and videos to get guidance, then I measured at the waist and hips, measured how far down I wanted extra ease at the hips and how low I wanted the skirt to hit (length was adjusted from the top because of the original hem). I also looked at one of my other skirts to see how wide it should be at the bottom (same as at my waist, incidentally). 

The easiest step was sewing the panels together. Then it was time to make the waist. After folding down the waist material to see where the ribbon should fall, I put in two eyelets in the back center. I decided only to put a drawstring in back, because I wanted the skirt flat in front--this was hard. After sewing one end of each ribbon to the side seam, I fed each through an eyelet. That was easy. What wasn't so easy was making sure I didn't hit the ribbon when I sewed down the waistband. I'm pretty sure there's an easier way to do it, but this worked. 

I've sewn one more skirt since then. It's made of grey material and has a decorative stitch on the hem, thanks to the fancy new machine my mother gave me. I cut just one panel that I seamed in back, and I put in a slit. I think it would have been better to use 3 panels to make the skirt fall better. I'll try to get a picture later. 

My next sewing project will be an actual dress. I learn a little more with each project, so we'll see what lessons are waiting for me.

Going Wheatless

This is my second week of wheatlessness. I decided to experiment with it, partly in solidarity with some friends doing the Wheat Belly diet, and partly out of curiosity and the need to mix it up.

It’s been interesting. Even though I haven’t been totally strict, I can sense differences in my appetite and satiety level. This past Sunday I decided to eat wheat again and tried eating cereal. I only made it 3 bites before I felt really bloated. Further experiments reveal that a bite of naan or pita doesn’t affect me the same way—probably not as much fiber.

Last week, the limited possibilities helped me eat fewer Points each day, so that for the first time this calendar year I was actually within my appropriate range. But then it didn’t result in a weight loss and my appetite came back.

I know I’m going to switch back to wheat at some point—I love pizza too much, plus I adhere to Weight Watchers’ belief that there are no “bad” foods—but right now I’m still intrigued by the changes.

What I’m really hoping to get out of this is a re-conception of what constitutes a meal. Sometimes now my meal will be carrots, hummus, and a few crackers. Or French fries and peanut butter on seed crackers. I keep falling into the habit of trying to replace wheat products with gluten-free substitutes, but this isn’t actually a good idea, I think. It’s nice when I have a super craving for toast to have my ridiculously pricey bread on hand, but it can lead to the same patterns of eating as before. I want to be more creative and simple about my meals, more dependent upon straight-forward fruits and veggies, foods with less processing, fewer calories, and more nutrition.

The Forever Impact of YA Novels

There's a meme that's been going around on Facebook asking people to list 10 books that affected them, and to make the list without thinking too hard. I didn't make a list. I tend to view these trends with suspicion, possibly things started by Facebook to get me to give them more information. But I've been thinking about. And all the books that initially come to mind are books I read when I was young. Maybe it's that I hadn't read many books yet and so each one had more of an impact? Or perhaps there is something innate in YA reading that appeals to my psyche--I tend toward the latter solution.

Some of the books that profoundly affected me:

The Girl Who Owned a City, by O.T. Nelson. This dystopian, adult-free world appealed to my sense of isolation and the belief that the only person I could rely on was myself.
The Flowers in the Attic series, by V.C. Andrews. This was warped and twisted. Another world of oppression where adults can't be trusted, now with incest. This is one of many books I shouldn't have been allowed to read. Probably not YA, but I didn't know that.
Soul Rider series, by Jack Chalker. Another series I seriously should not have been allowed to read. Chalker is undoubtedly a sick, though fascinating, bastard. This series featured Cassie, another strong heroine, exiled from her home and figuring out her place, but who is also manipulated by the Soul Rider and by some twisted sexual dynamics. Chalker introduced me to the idea that men grasp for power so much because otherwise they don't have much of a function; only one man is needed for many women to procreate. Okay, this one's definitely not YA, but I read it when I was 12.
The Blue Sword, by Robin McKinley. This wasn't marketed as YA but as Fantasy; now it's known as a YA classic. An orphan named Harry is unfeminine and out of place but secretly has magical powers and finds her new place as the partner to the king of India--um, I mean Damaria. Also similar is The Hero and the Crown, in which Aerin is treated as an outcast but turns out to be more powerful than everyone.

You can see where this pattern is going, I think. So today I read another book like these, with much more conventional sexual dynamics: Divergent, by Veronica Roth. Beatrice, who renames herself Tris, rejects her Abnegation upbringing because she realizes she is too selfish to belong. She joins a new faction, which strangely seems to be run by mostly teenagers; Tris comments that she doesn't see older Dauntless members. She learns bravery, confidence, a sense of belonging, and love. If I had been 12 when I read this, it would have had a huge impact on me. However, it's ultimately pretty conventional, even in its revolutions. If I had read books like this instead of the Bio of a Space Tyrant series by Piers Anthony, I probably would not be writing a book about rape in Victorian novels. FWIW.

Field work

Yesterday was a foundational bird-watching experience. I travelled to the Volkswagen campus near Chattanooga to find a White-faced Ibis.

Source: Alan Vernon, Wikimedia.org

This is an image of the bird in its summer plumage, when the white is visible on its face. In winter, it's identical to the Glossy Ibis except for its red eye, usually only discernible with a scope or excellent camera.

Four potential White-faced Ibises had been spotted and photographed, most in juvenile plumage. The red eye was visible in the photos. I did manage to see all four birds, but I would not have been able to positively ID them if I hadn't already known what to look for. I only saw them in flight.

Bird-watching takes me to some unusual places, and this time was no exception. The birds had been sighted near a pond on Discovery Dr, a road too new for my GPS. The city was constructing a new water main next door, so to get to the pond I had to walk over fill dirt and bracken and past the worker busy flattening the new dirt with his bobcat.

I approached the pond slowly, nervous about scaring the birds away. I stopped each time I had a glimpse of the pond, then peered around the edge of the line of bushes. Nothing but killdeer. I found a place to sit where I could see most of the pond and be shielded by the tall grasses, and there I sat for two hours.

That was the foundational part. Just sitting and waiting. It's hard to slow down and just observe. I found I kept checking my iPhone or my bird book. I had to force myself to enjoy the temperate October weather and the pleasant sound of bird song.

Patience was harder because I saw the birds early in the sit. About 10 minutes in, one ibis flushed from a grassy field (I also detected a Great Blue Heron hanging out in the tall grasses). About 30 minutes in, I saw 3 ibises fly overhead. So, task accomplished but greater view desired. Hence, the wait. They never came back, but I did see an additional 16 species, including a Gray Catbird and a Belted Kingfisher, two species I find fascinating.

This was a life-bird for me and an unusual bird to find in Tennessee at any time, so it was worth the 90-mile drive. I regret not having a better view, which I would have gotten if I had stayed an hour longer. Overall, this experience's greatest value was that it forced me to slow down and focus on something fun.